Brain Damage

As I begin a new process into recovery and learn into more detail what my old ways have done on me psychologically I begin to realize how much harm I have done. My patterns in choice making and critical thinking are altered to work around a drug abuser and alcoholics tendencies. For example i am extremely impulsive. I never think things through even when it comes to simple things like my job. I see a machine down and I gut it right away then figure out the problem. I never step back and take a moment to think it through.
This is going to be a rough winter. Now with nothing holding me back I have all this time to reflect on the damage I have caused to myself and others. I will need a strong spirit and will to not give into it. If there is anyone else out there who is going through this just believe in it and it will work. Be patient don't let it get to you because it is an every day battle from here on out. There is one thing I am scared of and that is me. To see this everyday I now can understand what Eminem meant when he said he was fighting mirrors.
No one else will fully understand you that is why it is all up to you to take care of it. We can be helped but we truly can not. I've gone through some tough times and fought through some amazingly hard situations but never have i been so weak when it comes to this. I am like a fish at the mercy of a fisherman.
just keep fighting and fighting. I'll be damned if I am going to give into this.