My Dog is Dead

Yes my dog is dead. We had to put him unexpectedly down last Christmas Eve, and on top of that it was his birthday. Poor bastard. And if anyone says putting down a dog through a Vet is humane well you didn't experience what I went through when we did it to my dog. First the poor dog knew and shit everywhere. Second the stuff they gave him must have not been enough because when they left the room so me and my mother could have a minute with him he started convulsing and his lips curled up. This was the saddest fucking thing I have ever experienced. I will never have a dog again and go through this shit again. I can't imagine what it must feel like when people lose their kids. I'm going to skip that feeling by getting my nuts snipped.
But all jokes aside it was pretty depressing. His head or his mental state was fine but his body couldn't take it no more. I wish I could have spent more time with him or been there for him a little more. I took his company for granted and "shooed" him away when ever he bothered me for some love. I feel like a big bag of shit stuffed into another big bag of shit.
So basically what I am trying to get at is don't take your loved ones for granted. Even when they are annoying as shit and you want to tell them to go fuck themselves. Because one day you may not be able to tell them to go fuck themselves ever again.

Midget Sex or Pedophelia

With my daily web browsing of pornography I usually come across midget sex now and then. Also sometimes I watch it. Now I usually get a good laugh when it is a midget man with an enormous dong railing some girl, but I don't laugh so much when it is a full blown man railing a midget woman. Yes what I stated was pretty contrary but I get the feeling when it is a midget woman that it is sort of like child pornography. And well I'm sort of not big into child pornography at all, not even a little bit, I actually just gagged at seeing the word child in front of pornography.
So I came up with a solution that could help out pedophiles (Not that I would want to help them out, but anything to steer them away from children I will do), lets give them midgets instead of kids. Hey I know, what about the poor midgets? Well to be honest I could give a fuck less. If a midget has to have sex with some creep in order for a child not to get fucked in the head for the rest of their lives then lets go for it. And there must be some midget whores out there who don't care about being degraded or violated.

Public Transportation

Because of my inability to follow the law I must now take public transportation. My free rides all been ridden out and now I have to succumb to getting around by the bus. It is not so bad if you don't have to wait in the freezing cold for a late bus or happen to miss a bus by 15 seconds while it is raining cats and dogs outside while you are running beside the bus yelling at the stupid fucking driver to stop for a minute. But if you can get by that its pretty cool. You get to see the inside of your city or area and find all the beautiful and interesting people who live in your area.
For example the "fat people who don't like to take baths", the "I lost all my teeth five years ago and I'm going to keep on smiling to let you all know" people, the "I have five kids from all different fathers and I don't like to discipline them when they run around and scream" people, the "lets talk extremely loud on my cell phone and act bad ass so people think I'm cool" people, the "Just go out of the mental hospital" people, the "going to rehab" and "coming out of rehab" people, and so on and so forth.
Also while waiting for the bus you meet a lot of great people like one of my favorites the "can I have a dollar for the bus I never take" people and the "can I have some change I am not a bum" people. You know if they would just ask me for a dollar with out the lame ass excuse I would give them one every fucking time. Then what is even better that I love because they hold my ass up from getting on the connecting bus or miss it all together is the "Where did my money go or can anyone break a twenty dollar bill?" people and what is even better about them is it happens to them all of the fucking time.
Then you got the bus drivers a whole different kind of people. They are mostly cool and laid back but some are real fucking assholes. I guess having to deal with some stupid people or having to deal with people that give them attitudes they now all think everyone is like that. I had one talk to me like a child and told me to hold on til they come back around and pick me up on the opposite side. Now technically if I wanted to be an asshole (which I am) I had a 30 day bus pass and I can use the bus as much as I want. But I decided to listen to the cunt and put on a big smile when she came back around 20 minutes later. She was surprised I was still there and she was surprised I was still smiling. See you got to fight bullshit with friendliness.

Good Morning Mr. Wood

Morning Wood? What is the big deal with this. Honestly everyone since I was a teen has talked about their morning wood or has made a comment on morning wood. I will tell you no lie when I say I have never ever had morning wood. Since I have first heard of this phenomenon I have been just ready to wake up to a smurf tent. But no not even a chubby.
Now there is nothing wrong with my junk, I get random hard-ons all of the time. I think I actually get more than the regular Joe. I can direct the flow of blood right to my penis with out thinking of sex, it could happen at any minute even right now as I write.
So what is the deal with me not getting any major wood in the morning. Perhaps I have delayed erections and instead of getting a boner when I wake up, it decided to pop up while I brush my teethe.
I don't know but I am not sure why this has never happened to me, and I am starting to feel left out in the conversations when guys talk about their morning wood and I have to make some shit up like how Steve Carrel talked about feeling boobies in the 40 Year Old Virgin.

People Who Become Professionals But Not Through Degrees

My work is awful for this. I guess if you never went to school and you want a quick degree in Engineering then come on down to my place. We have like three Engineers and there is only one real one. The other ones just been around for awhile and now been sworn in in the gang. I'm mean really we work with some really important shit here lets not take advice from the man who built his whole working area out of plastic and Teflon. No lie its like being inside a Barbie house with out all the furniture painted.
Then we have another one who claims by moving a certain object in a confined space that is totally controlled is the reason why everything is messing up. Mind you before you could shake the shit out of it and throw in some dog shit to spice things up and it would do little or nothing to the experiments. Now we are going for such simple solutions I'm about to make up a dart board with some ideas and when they have a question just give them a dart and tell them to go wild.
This really wouldn't concern me except when my time is wasted moving a certain pipe over and over and over with out any new results then to ponder on it for awhile then have my ass dragged back into playing hop scotch with some fittings.
If anyone owns a company feel free to take any advice from anyone it is great to get an outside look onto things but when you are going for some critical idea crunching get the people with the degrees.

Need To Take a Large Chill Pill

Have you ever come across someone who is so miserable. Like anything will set them off and it seems when they wake up the world has to do something to fuck up their day. Like someone when you ask them how it is going they reply by telling you how much they did not want to wake up to another day in the shitty existence they call life. They could perhaps be a victim of suicide soon but I believe once they have reached that far nothing you do or say is going to change that. So just steer them in the way of committing a clean and quite suicide to help out the poor bastards who have to clean up the mess or the poor mother that has to find their child's brain splattered on his Twilight poster.
I have this one guy I work with who I believe is on this path. He hates everything that has to do with any type of excitement or fun. If you go out drinking with him he becomes more miserable by the drink. Even if you pay for him he will still bitch of how he is so fucking poor.
So anyways the other day I needed a drive back home from work because the bus was not going to come through where I was for another hour and a half. So I asked him for a drive. At first everything went well until someone cut in front of him then did not speed up. The bitterness began to come out at no level of dieing down and just snowballed into a tornado of hateful feelings and words. He began by saying how much people sucked at driving which had started this onslaught of ferocity then to end with how he can not change himself into someone who he is not so another person can love him. Mind you this was all with in five minutes and I really never talk to this guy for this reason.
I'm not the happiest person in this universe but this man takes the cake when it comes to being such a fucking "Wino". Jesus Christ man take a deep breathe into a paper bag or swallow some fucking Valiums. To be that upset at everything is not healthy. He reminded me of that depressed mule on Winnie the Pooh but who had mood swings like a steroid abusing professional wrestler. If anyone you know or if someone who is reading this is like this please just lighten the fuck up the worse you make things the worse shit is going to get. Just change and let the bad shit flow under the bridge everything is not going to change in a day but everything will get better. And if not just get drunk and rent a hooker, if you are worried about diseases you don't have to penetrate them.

How Far Sex Can Drive A Man

I am amazed of how empowered the human male is when it comes to sex. We will go through great lengths and adventures for it. If it was not for the sex I guarantee many people would not be that much into sports, because what the hell is the point of making a goal when you are just going to get slapped in the ass by your team mate (Homosexuals don't need to comment).
We will change our whole look and persona to come to the approval of the female we are after. We would also fight each other to the death and back stab people over this craving. Women need to begin to understand just how much they can really fuck us up.
For example when a man does not get sex he starts to slowly lose his mentality. I have seen this first hand and experienced this myself. The early signs of this are
1. Agitation
2. Lack of Sleep
3. Compulsive masturbation
4. Very touchy torwards other people
5. Hostile to any ideas or suggestions
These are not yet bad and can be treated early. But once men fall into a deeper hole which they can not get out things begin to worsen, and these signs are
1. Very picky when it comes to women even though they have not been laid in months
2. Denial (One of the major issues, everyone needs sex if they say they don't they are full of shit and should seek medical help right away)
3. Start to collect animals usually a lot of cats
4. Play a lot of video games online
5.Join Live Action Role Playing Scenes (such as pretending to be Harry Potter)
Then comes the next step which is ultimately bad and there is usually no cure, these signs are
1. Stalking
2. Serial Killer
3. People who go to How To Get Laid Support Groups
4. People who cry while you drink with them
5. People who love the outdoors with out any human interaction for the rest of their lives.
6. People who look stuck in a generation that is way outdated. (People with 80's hair-dos)
When you come across these people please call your local law enforcement. Usually they will have some one tied up in their home or have done some serious sick shit.

G.I. BLOW

Hands down what a bad fucking movie this is. I was also a fan when I was younger and I was expecting over the top action here... But Jesus Christ this was a bad movie and way over the top. For one they tried to throw in every plot and twist in the GI Joe franchise like this was going to be their only one, unfortunately I know there will be two. Now you would expect this to be out of controll but it seems they went over board on some CG's and cut back on other ones. So one scene you'll be like that was fucking awesome and then on another your like when did sand look like liquid (check when they fly over the desert).
Also I know this is a kid's movie or a teenage movie but the acting was horrible and man do I mean horrible. First off the character who plays Joe can't act for shit anyways, and second Marlon Waynes you think would throw some bone of acting but nope he threw that out the window as well and perhaps his career.
I can't even begin to tell you how much more this sucks, please don't see it so they will not think about bringing in a second one right away.

Further Apologies

I would like to apologize for my last post to the obese who think I'm picking on them. If your fat that is quite fine, I was talking mostly of bull-shitters who think they actually do stuff they don't. I love fat people, you all are jolly and I would have not lost my virginity if it wasn't for you. So for all you fat people out there - eat to your heart's extent or til your arteries fill up and clog.

The I am Better Than You Generation

I have become quite awestruck when I came across how many people out in this world today believe they are better than everyone else. It is like they had some confidence pudding with their Wheaties this morning. Now I am not talking about the alpha humans like Lance Armstrong who should have the right to think they are better than everyone else, but I am talking about the no good useless pieces of shit who some how think they run the world now.
If anyone comes across these loafs of shit please tell them what they can not see for some fucking reason. That they suck. I even have a couple of Friends like this who don't do shit but seam to bitch about how hard they work and how much shit they get done. My fucking ass! If they worked a tenth of what they say they did they wouldn't have a 38 waist line and stretch marks around where their tits and armpits meet. So please put these people in their place when you come across them. When you smell bullshit call it the fuck out and call it out loud.

Freaked Out

So I just seen Paranormal State or Activity, and on a good quality bootleg. I got some mixed reviews from this and I believe I am pretty good with telling a good movie from a bad one. Some said it was corny and some said it was really good. I think I'm going to have to fall into the really good category because this movie creeped the shit out of me.
The way it sucks you in and justs escalates plus how well they did the scare on for people was very creative and well done I believe. This is not your gore horror movie but psychological one. I don't want to go on to ruin this for you so I will keep my mouth shut on the details, its the element of surprise and what the fuck is going to happen next I believe that kept me into it. Or it could be perhaps I watched it on a well home theatre and not inside the movie theatre plus the ending we got on the bootleg was way better than the one they are showing in the movies.
They talk a little about what type of haunting this is and that is what really got to me. I'm not looking for any attention, I mean just look at how many people are following me? But I believe I had some type of haunting nothing near this movies story but just a little paranormal activity enough that from the time it went on til now which has been well over twenty years I still wake up fully no matter what time I went to bed at unless it is past the time I have this rude awakening between 12:00 a.m. and 1:00 a.m. because that was the time when all the paranormal activity would happen when I was younger. Just Bam! Wide eyed and awake til I go back to sleep and wake up for work. I am more awake when I have this happen then when I awake for work. Weird shit and seeing that movie just had me relapse the memory of that.

Did the Right Thing

Well I did the right thing. I had absolutly no sex with the woman I so badly wanted to. Now we have become the infamous "F" word also know as freinds. How fucking cute huh? Nah I'm kidding I'm glad we have become closer she is pretty good shit. She took me out to eat, for drinks, and also gave me a few presents. Also the more I talked to her and heard her without thinking of my penis inside of her I realized how cool of a girl she is and also how much she struggles at work and at life. So I gave her a shoulder to cry on.
So I guess thinking with my head and not my genitals did have its bright side to this situation but I'm not going to lie I still wanted sex, sex, and some more sex.

Just Stepped Into a World Of Shit

Well I'm sort of in a fuck cluster of hormones, morality, and achieving what I wanted since I discovered women are awesome. Sort of jammed my pickle into this one figuratively and perhaps this coming weekend literally. I don't want to give out too much info on this - for one - I don't want to ruin this - and for two - well there are some people who can get hurt. No I am not screwing my Friend's girlfriend, or a friend's sister it is more like I'm screwing a friend who has a boyfriend or something a little more than that but I'm no judge here, right?
So I have the power to do wrong or right. But is it my wrong or right? I don't know the people at all that I would hurt but if I were not to do this she would go somewhere else and do it anyways. And if it were to ease things a bit for her boyfriend I'm a somewhat of a good guy and I'm clean of AIDS and VD's, eh? lol? Usually I would not do this at all because I'm a Buddhist but this lady is smoking, like I want to smell where you just sat smoking. Plus her ethnicity is really wanting me to do this. Well after Friday I'll write what I did.

HOLY SKUNKS!!!

Sweat Dieing Jesus. My neighborhood is overrun by skunks. They must have had an orgy last spring or summer because we got fuck loads of them now. Walking home is not safe at night anymore and I remember when it was such a nice neighborhood. I see at least up to five of them all of the time running amok with their Mohawk looking coats like a bunch of emo kids scurrying around for some Valiums and xanax. They even formed clicks and posse's having fights with other rival gangs. They also could care less about you, I wouldn't worry about getting sprayed by them as long as you don't surprise them they will walk past you in a kicking distance. If this gets any worse I'm going to have to move my family to the better part of the city with the better schools.

Observe and Report

Well every tuesday I'll do a review on all the movies that are coming out on dvd. The first one is Observe and Report - this as a bad fucking movie. It had maybe three good chuckles, one being a out of shape middle aged man's flacid penis which was about as lame as the movie. Two being Anna Farris, and three being the mexican guy from the movie shooter who plays as Seth Rogen's side kick security gaurd whatever. I fell for this movie because of Seth Rogen who must have not given a shit about acting in this and needed some extra cash. With another bad movie like this by Seth Rogen I wil start thinking he is just good for being an out of shape Jew who is vulgar, and if i was looking for that I'd rather go with Mel Brooks. But there is a good cameo by my man "Red" can't think of his real name and I don't feel like googling it but it was enjoyable as always to see his hilarious ass. This movie gets a solid two out of five.

Laughing Frenzy

Well I sort of have a nervous reaction in which some people might find repulsive. I laugh and can't stop laughing. When the shit hits the fan I laugh, when I'm over stressed I laugh, and when something horrible happens I laugh. I can't help it one bit I try to bite it down but then my face just forms this huge shit eating grin from ear to ear and then I burst into capnipshit of laughter. Its hereditary because it happens to my mother as well. Its just its not that cool being in front of a judge with a huge smile, or having something terrible being explained to you and you chuckle til you piss your pants. But I guess its a cool defense mechanism I formed to help deal with pain. Try it out see if it works just don't make it into a habit.

An Irish Man's Self Made Path Unto Self Destruction

Well recently I had to sober up or get locked up. I get random drug tests and if I happen to fail my case reopens and shit hits the fan. Well this past weekend I said sure why not drink a bit of alcohol it gets out of your system in a day tops. I unfortunately forgot I have no fucking brains when I start drinking and the drunk me likes to dig myself a deep fucking hole of self pity, embarrassment, and just straight fucking hell. During my drunken mess someone had to bring up a little bag of coke and of course the drunken me just had to have some. I now got a drug test on Friday hopefully no surprise ones in between from now and then, I know it gets out of your system in three days and I didn't do that much plus I bought a detox drink but the anxiety of it all is not worth it a fucking bit. Thanks again to me.

The Hideous Red Eye

Yeah well recently I just caught the notorious CONJUCTIVITUS (I can only picture that being said by the man who narrarates the Rich and Famous - Robin Leach). What sucks most is I got it in both eyes and my boss knows I'm a marijuana smoker up and until I was put on probation. So now that I don't smoke (really I don't) he keeps giving me the "Are you High Look". What's even more hilarious is the fact that when I did smoke for the many years I did my eyes barely ever got red.

Congrats To A Soon To Be Married Couple

I'd like to give a toast from now til Friday evening for Nick and Mika on their Holy Matrimony. Enjoy the rest of your lives together in tranquility and harmony.

Winnie The Pooh Doesn't Want to Fuck with these Bees

Well not only does Japan make uniquely great fetish porn but they also produce freaky giant flesh dissolving hornets. No fucking lie. Also known as the Japanese Giant Hornet or in scientific terms the Vespa Mandarinia Japonica or known on the streets as those Bad Ass Mother Fucking Bees. They are most commonly found in the mountainous areas of Japan and these bees don't like intruders. Think you can outrun these fuckers? Unless you can run like the flash and well clear 50 miles in which these bees can travel up to in one day and also have avoided their cytolytic peptide or flesh melting acid which they shoot in your eye which also contains a pheromone like substance that attracts their other gangster brothers I recommend avoiding the hiking trip to the mountain. You think the Killer Bees are bad, compared to these fuckers it makes them look like ladybugs.

The Five Finger Way To Cure A Headache

Got no Tylenol. Your a Jehovah Witness and you can't take any medical assessment. Well look no further I have something for everyone and also a method that can kill two birds with one stone and some potential future offspring. Masturbate to your heart's content. When you orgasm your body sends out some pretty heavy duty pain killers known as endorphins and oxytocin (notice all the good drugs start with oxy) that well... make you feel like you scored some great heroin. So don't think about yourself being a pervert because your a chronic masterbater - you just have an addictive personality which you can blame on on an alcoholic parent. This could also explain why men become sometimes distant after an orgasm not because they noticed they thought more with their genitalia than their brain - its because we are having major withdrawals from the natural drugs that evolution so kindly through into us. So my advice if you got the shakes (snicker) grab and pull (snicker) the hair off the dog that bit yah.

Lips, Knobs, Nips

Not too long ago I was thinking about what color nipples this paticular women has. So I went into a deep thought about how to tell what color a woman's nipple is without having to see it first hand? Could it be pink, red, purple, or brown? Could there be a possible way to find out with out having to get them naked? And indeed there is, the pigment of your nipples, knob or clam, and lips all fall into the same color. Now I'm not 100% on this but so far out of all the people I have surveyed and asked they said there nipple color matches their lip color as well. I may have just struck a perverted break through here. Please feal free to drop any comments about this I'm really interested to see if my hypothesis is a good one.

Using Jealousy to Hook Up

Recently I went out with a few of my friends for a drink and a bite to eat. We all noticed there were a few good looking women sitting at a table across from us. We all started making assumptions that we could potentially get one of the girls and I took the initiative to find out. I calmly walked over and went to the better looking of the women and said how I found her very attractive and I gave her my phone number in case she was interested. After that she ripped into me how she had a boyfriend and some children, I took that as a Que to leave and as I was leaving they were all laughing and tossing my number around. As they were passing it around I noticed they gave it to the hefty sized girl out of the bunch and she was the only one to take it. Seeing this as an opportunity to make these girls feel stupid I went back over and offered a kiss to the large sized girl for taking my number and invited her over to the bar for some drinks away from her pompous friends. The other women that were there all of a sudden got extremely jealous and also nosey and could not leave me alone for the rest of the time. I used simple psychology and it worked great I wish I was there though when they found out that the number I gave them wasn't mine.

Dreams and Answers

I do believe we can find a lot of unanswered questions in our dreams. Even though most of the time our dreams are more mixed up and distorted then a painting from Salvador Dali or they are horrific and too disturbing to want to even talk about them or know what they meant. But there are some out there that can give us a clear answer on some of the issues that are bothering us or ones that we are hiding. For example recently I found out news about a business my family owns in a beautiful part of Canada. Recently the business has gone down hill and I fear that that place that I have adored as a child will never be the same again. Last night I had a dream that I went up there and met a beautiful girl but I had the choice to stay and not have a future or take the ride back where I might actually have one. The choice I made was to come back and to have a future. Probably what I didn't want (believe me) but it was myself that made a better decision for me as if my subconscious told me to take the better route. So keep an open mind to the dreams you have and don't toss them aside, what they hide could be the answer to make a better you.

Kill One Save a Thousand Theory

Take one life and a thousand others are saved. Is this morally right? Do we have the power or say to follow out this action? When is this circumstance justified? In the news recently an abortion doctor was killed in his Church (oh the irony) this particular doctor did abortions that consisted of doing it after the time frame in which most states see it as taking a life. Lawfully the doctor was in the right but in some religions the assassin's actions would be justified as him saving thousands of others lives. Who is in the wrong? Depends on your interpretation of wrong. In the law's eyes it was the assassin in the wrong but in religious eyes it would be the doctor who would actually be the monster. A very tough subject to touch but this country was built upon escaping religious prosecution and persecution, because a man doesn't believe in a certain religion doesn't mean he should be punished by that religion's actions taken when disobeyed. This is the land of the free which does have its boundaries this is why we decided to have the laws in which we have and for the country and people to decide what is wrong and what is right and not a certain individual hell bent on justice.

Is it Really a Test

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do the good die young and us assholes live for ever? Why do people answer with - God is just testing you? Why the fuck is God testing me then when "he who knows all" already knows the outcome? Because he is a big giant prick. I hate to write that but lets be honest the man plays a cruel game. I say heaven better be fucking spectacular because with all the shit I'm going through and which my grandparents are going through (TAKE MY WORD MY GRANDMOTHER COULD BE A SAINT) it takes a heavy toll to keep faith and not resort to our instinct of saying fuck it all. But thats life - When Life throws you shit, Get the fuck out the way. I feel bad writing this but I say if you think it its just as bad as saying it.

Thought of the Day

It came in clear view not to long ago that a tree is a pretty significant living thing. With out it we could not live and so with a lot of other life forms. It gives us air to breathe, shade from the sun, food for our belly, wood for our homes and fire. With out this think of how much our lives would change perhaps we may even look different from adaptation of not having them around.
Also a tree is very significant in religious beliefs. The tree in the Garden of Eden which set us away from God. Siddhartha Guantanamo one of the most famous and recognized of all the Buddhists became enlightened under a tree which he meditated under for over twenty years. In the Islam religion they recognize trees as a necessity for us to live and prohibit cutting them down. With all this being said we should take a second to step back and realize how important it is to recognize the things around us and not take it for granted. Everything as simple as a tree plays a key role in our survival. I'm not a "Green Freak" but I think we should all plant at least one tree in the ground during our lifetime.