No Cigarettes Yet

Still no cigarettes and it has been 1 1/2 days. I've been chewing on gum like I'm getting payed for it and I've had a couple of "Just take a Drag man" conversations with myself but I think this time I'm going to be able to make it. So far no toxins are entering my body except for coffee. I need my coffee but with how yellow my teeth are that is next on my hit list.

And a Thumbs Up from me As Well

Fuck Hassel, here is a Thumbs Up for you Nick and Mika!!!!! I would have gaven you both two but I had to take this picture myself.

A Big Hassal Thumbs Up To Nick & Mika

Congrats on a healthy baby girl you two.

What To Do Now?

Well my time in hell is almost through. I will have my license back, off of probation, sober, and no restraints keeping me back from anything. How to handle this I have no idea. I've always had something keeping me back and now I do not have a single thing. Just total freedom. Its really weird, kind of like a new born with an experienced mind.
Really I am clueless, so many paths I can go down (all good of course) but which one to pick is the pickle. Can't wait to see myself in five years.

Quiting Cigarettes

I will be quiting cigarettes starting today. I had quit for two years before I started back up last March 2009 because of some serious stressful events that were going on in my life. I really do not like them but it does help out with stress especailly since I am sober of all narcotics now. I didn't buy a pack this morning or brought a lighter with me but I ended up finding a big clinch in my ashtray and used a propane torch to light it. Hopefully this will be the last cigarette today, I have no idea why I had smoked it I was feeling good but hey I'm addicted.

I'm A Closet Lady GaGa Fan

I don't care what anyone thinks it is 2010 and there should be no penalties for me being a Lady GaGa fan. She is dope and very talented. Other then Poker Face which makes my spine spasm every time I hear hit (most likely because it was so played out so much) I enjoy all her other songs. I can even work out to them when it comes on in the gym (hopefully no one has noticed when a GaGa song comes on I go ape-shit on the reps). But the song "Telephone" I think it is called with Beyonce is my shit. Now talking about Beyonce I like a lot of her songs as well. Escpecially Sweet Dreams when she goes all crazy after the chorus. Yep call me a poof all you want this is good music right herr.

AHhhhh Sheeeyet

Alright some things I still don't think through right away. I have been going to the gym for the past three years. My first year was just the beginners stuff getting my body used to actually working out (prior to this I never did a push up on my own). The second year I did all machines because I was a little shy getting to the free weights with all those big gorillas. Now my third year I'm all game. I'm hitting it and I am hitting it right when I first start working out I could only bench 75 pounds now I am throwing up 235 with out any issue. But I have one problem - bad genes when it comes to muscles. I am strong and def a lot bigger but it is a lot harder for me to get definition. I am doing everything right and eating right but I got guys doing less then me and looking like Pitt in Fight Club.
So what I'm getting to is I got some Steroids. I was all game for it at first like fuck yeah I will do some roids. Now that I actually have it I'm probably never going to do it. First off is that you have to inject yourself and inject it right. No hitting veins or arteries or your fucked. Also you can cause some serious abscesses I think they call it that will fuck your whole shit up.
Oh and did I mention that the needle you have to inject yourself with has to be at least 1" to 1.5" long and you have to inject 2ml of this shit into you. Now 1" doesn't seem long when you think about it but put it into a needle form and tell me how you think, also 2ml of juice WTF that is a lot of shit to put in your body.
You also have to go through a post cycle of injections of different stuff to help your body recover from the testosterone it stopped producing since you started injecting hormones into your body that it was not producing (and if you don't do this you will lose all the gain you got from the Juice).
So I'm pretty sure I wasted my money on this. Professionals do tell you though that if you want to get big and ripped its either steroids or being really patient and consistent for a number of years. I'm not promising anything yet but I think I'm going to wait a little longer.

I'm Almost FREEEE YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm almost off of probation, Thank The GODS!!!!! What a crazy fucking two years my life has been. But you know I have learned a lot and grown up a lot because this is what it took for me to finally see the downward spiral I was rolling down in. I've been in a lot of trouble before - if you were to look at my record you would not believe that this was me. I ran full force into destroying myself and I did not give two high flying fucks. Well now I do.
If you were to ask me why I did the things I had done I really could not answer you. I truly do not know who that was that enjoyed doing those awful things. But time to move on and forget about the past. Time to move forward and especially with the monkey on my back gone and the probation soon done I can't wait to see what the future beholds for me.
Life is like a plant, if you take care of it you can watch it grow big and strong. It will keep growing and spreading as far as the person who takes care of it limits. If you don't care for it you will watch it slowly droop, shrivel, die, and leave no trace of its existence.

A Texture Problem

I have this huge issue with textures when it comes to eating. Since I was a kid I can not and still not eat jello, pudding, yogurt, and grizzle. As soon as one of these touch my tongue I gag. And there is a few funny things about this - I have a lot of Vietnamese friends and I eat over their house a lot. Sometimes they will cook something that has a similar texture of what I can not eat. Most of my friends know and understand but lets say if I'm at a family party or cook out and they pass around something that is hard for me to eat I just bite the bullet and try my best. Nothing worse then putting on a poker face of how much I love it when really I want to throw up in my mouth.
Another funny thing is when I was drinking I would always come around jello shots. Now I know I can't eat jello but the alcoholic in me would always think otherwise and try to swallow a bunch of these. Regardless in how drunk I was I could never down them right and always ended up hurling all over the place.
Just one of many weird things about me.

They Start Young

I have a new obsession with PhotoBombing. For everyone who doesn't know this term it is when a photo is being taken of something particular and something so out of place ruins it. There are some great photobombs out there that always crack me up and put me into a good mood.
Well back to the subject. This photo reminded me of me as a kid. This also reminds me of a photo I came across one day of my uncle flipping the bird when he was very young. It seems you can make out the punks and rebels at a young age. Well I have some news and some helpful insight for all these young rebels out there who are inspiring to grow up as a full fl edge radical.
1. You never win against the man - I have tried so many times to outsmart, outwit, and outdo every law and form of conformity out there and well you just can't win. The man is always right and take my advice when you have a hefty sentence over your head because you wanted to be a bad ass the only person who decides your fate is the one you have been always fighting.
2. There are no rebels over thirty who you can take seriously.
3. The only time a rebel can be taken seriously is when he tries to do something crazy like blow something up or blow something up.
4. If you want to be a real rebel move to a different country and join some guerrillas other then that sit down and shut up like the rest of us you pompous rich white kid.

Did someone just Shit?

Well as you all know I frequently take the bus to get around. I will soon have my license back (money issues) but I will still have to take the bus to work in the mornings until I can afford insurance (ten years down the road)what a long fucking road that is). So I have this old man that takes the bus now and then and I am assuming he has some issues. Now and then he will reenact some Shakespeare and mumble something while putting his hands in the air as to make a dramatic point. Well today I am pretty sure this English play actor has shat himself.
The bus did not smell bad when I boarded it this morning (I'm pretty sure I can identify a shit smell right away).
And as soon as this guy got on the bus it was engulfed in a peculiar smell that resembled diapers and feces. And what was more priceless was his shit eating grin (really no pun intended) and other unique facial positioning he made that described perfectly what he did - "Yeah I shit my pants, and I don't care"

No Flip Flops!

Well today I had to wear sandals to work. My work shoes were mysteriously not given back to me from someone who had to use them for us to go to the gym. So I had to go with some flip flops other then my other expensive shoes because well I rather take a bruise to the toe then ruin a 100 and something dollar pair of sneakers.
So I had to be stealthy and not seen at work. Didn't work out as I had initially planned. One - the flip flops I had chosen made an intense click clacking sound as I walked and apparently my work place has a lot of areas that like to produce echoes that travel. Two - I picked the wrong pair of jeans to wear them with so I had to roll them up into what looked like some Flood Pants or Capri's.
So being a ninja didn't work out on my behalf while wearing these, and come to think of it how are ninjas so fucking quite in their sandals?