A New Beginging

Well I messed up a bit this weekend. I thought I was doing good controlling my liquer situation and unfortunately I am incapable. I did not do anything stupid other than DRIVE and holy shit if I were to have got caught I would be so so so fucked right now. Than on top of that I ended up consuming some paink killers which i should not have because I recently just have kicked them. I spent the next two days in depression.
But none of this was intentional and luckily the bastard who is watching over me turned a blind side. I am no longer stepping there. I don't care if I'm bored and if I do there will be a Korean women band waiting for me. But I have also met up with my soon to be family and had a great time yesterday. You know somethings don't work out, some people call me stupid for venturing down this path I'm going to take but you know what? I'm fucking happy. I felt good around them. I don't have to be high or drunk but just be sober and shoot the shit. I hope and man do I really hope what is going to happen is true and there is no facade.
I have grew up with all kinds of people and lived many lives. I met more dirtbags then actual good people. How this situation started little sneaky I do admit. But how the ball has started rolling I think I know why it happened and I think the other individual had no idea that I am what you see and if anything I'm better.
I like to believe there is good out there and that there is something special. Why do we always have to "make sure" or "watch out"? Why do we always have to look at people a second way? I know because I have lived a life where this is nescassary and its too dam bad. I have been following "some what" of a path of a Buddha lol. And I know we should not do good and respect something in return. lol this is my pickle lol

Brain Damage

As I begin a new process into recovery and learn into more detail what my old ways have done on me psychologically I begin to realize how much harm I have done. My patterns in choice making and critical thinking are altered to work around a drug abuser and alcoholics tendencies. For example i am extremely impulsive. I never think things through even when it comes to simple things like my job. I see a machine down and I gut it right away then figure out the problem. I never step back and take a moment to think it through.
This is going to be a rough winter. Now with nothing holding me back I have all this time to reflect on the damage I have caused to myself and others. I will need a strong spirit and will to not give into it. If there is anyone else out there who is going through this just believe in it and it will work. Be patient don't let it get to you because it is an every day battle from here on out. There is one thing I am scared of and that is me. To see this everyday I now can understand what Eminem meant when he said he was fighting mirrors.
No one else will fully understand you that is why it is all up to you to take care of it. We can be helped but we truly can not. I've gone through some tough times and fought through some amazingly hard situations but never have i been so weak when it comes to this. I am like a fish at the mercy of a fisherman.
just keep fighting and fighting. I'll be damned if I am going to give into this.

Watch Out For the Fox's Smile >)

So I was approached about how my way of approaching women maybe too friendly and I am not too aggressive. And I think this is true from past experiences but why couldn't I find something good through being kind? Am I soft? At somethings since I have started following Buddhism but other then that - don't take me as soft. I got a long enough record and scars physically and mentally to show otherwise. Let me get this out of the way, there is one thing I want in life is to be happy and I have felt and known the path to take in order to achieve this. But to tell the truth I'm sort of lost what I truelly want to do gets me in trouble and ruins my image (not sure if this is just addiction and my alcoholism talking) but what I do to better this doesn't really make me happy. Its a fucking blunder - I'm either to nice or too much of a fucking maniac.
Hey I got something why the fuck won't you take some more time to find out what hides behind this fox smile?

Great

Well the Cambodian girl that I have been seeing does in fact like me. I couldn't tell from the first two dates. Well the first date I fell asleep while watching Salt (lol) and the second one wasn't really the greatest. But the third time is the charm right? Correct!!! Yeah I can tell that she digs me even though she is still putting on a "show" that she just seems interested I could tell that she LIKES THE KID!!
Sorry I was getting a little big chested there but this girl is awesome so fuckin Aye for me.
I do have to change my ways though. See I am a good person but I have a lot of bad apps. I don't drink anymore or do drugs but I still smoke pot occasionally. I do plan on quiting so this is not too big of a deal. I always wanted to become just plain old good and sober and I know with her it will help me a lot. Its funny how things like this work out. It makes you wonder but I don't want to get all spiritual on this.
But I got one problem - my double life. See no matter how good I am or have become I am still attracted to the bad side of life. I have always liked it and I'm afraid I always will. I have earned respect recently from some people who are some heavy hitters. I was asked to join them which I would love to do. One of my good friends that is already in it did not want me to but I know he is just looking out for me. See even if I don't join I will still be getting down with them. I can never see my friends get hurt and know there was a way I could have helped.
Now with that in knowledge the girl I am seeing does not like that lifestyle at all. She does know I am affiliated but doesn't know that I actually take part in it. I know it is time to grow up but there are some things that can't be explained fully to people who have never lived in this type of environment or are part of it. I'll just have to play it by gut I guess.

Well Things Are Looking Up

Well I met a perfect woman. My friend set it up for me and I was supposed to go down and get my haircut to go talk to her. Well it turned out I could not use a car that day and had to walk to the haircut place. And one thing about me is that I sweat like a pig so by the time I got down there I was drenched and could not stop sweating.
I figured it was done for but she thought I was cute so I came back and asked her out. Well it turns out there is much more behind this pretty face then I had ever expected. One she is super old school but super cool. Two she is completely sober and doesn't like how I used to do drugs and how I have tattoos. But she liked my honesty and luckily my cuteness can out weigh the tattoo problem.
so we got into talking and it turned out she was in a deep relationship (marriage) for ten years and then divorced because her husband cheated on her. Why this clown would ever cheat on this beautiful woman is beyond my comprehension but its not only good looks she has she is also very talented with her voice. She is from Cambodia and she won the equivalent of their American Idol and got five albums out. Pretty crazy - as of right now things are going real slow and I am unsure how this will end up.
I am willing to do anything but it is up to her. I don't have a pretty past and hopefully it will not catch up to be an issue. I hope so much that this will work. Buddha and Jes work with me guys!!!!

Choice

Well I have decided I am going to become a writer. I always wanted to write a book but I could never come up with a story that would be unique and not done before. Over the weekend I came upon one that I think will be a great one to right about. It is going to take a lot of time and some thorough investigation and also being able to play with this character I am writing about but sometimes in life you need to let go of reality's restraints and just push yourself to do this.
I am also doing short letters to obscure famous people. It will be a comedy where I write outragous things and see if the people I write to write back and what they say. I will also post it on my blog and maybe if I get enough letters make a book out of it. This has been done before in different scenarios and themes but I think my twist will be a little more entertaining. Lets see what the future beholds my freinds.
I will say that my first letter was to Chuck Norris. I am very eager for him to write back because my letter (I think at least) was pretty damn funny.

Vivid

Sometimes it is easy to lose an idea or dream. As time goes on it tends to fade. Sort of like a painting from an artist. When an artist is painting he/she puts so much emotion and dedication into their work, the more they pursue it the better it comes. But as time goes on with out any detail or work done to it, it sits and fades as well as the emotion that was captured in it during its creation.
To pursue a dream and keep it alive you the artist must always keep painting.

Wish Charlie Sheen was my Dad

My man Charlie. This guy is great. He is the what a real man should be. Hard drinker, womanizer, woman beater, hooker customer, rich, famous, and the inability to ever land long durations in jail. This man is absolutely invincible when it comes to the Law. He just shows up to court puts on that infamous Charlie Sheen smile and everyone melts over him. If I had a wife I would purchase his sperm to peregrinate her so I can have a Charlie Sheen I can call my own.

No Cigarettes Yet

Still no cigarettes and it has been 1 1/2 days. I've been chewing on gum like I'm getting payed for it and I've had a couple of "Just take a Drag man" conversations with myself but I think this time I'm going to be able to make it. So far no toxins are entering my body except for coffee. I need my coffee but with how yellow my teeth are that is next on my hit list.

And a Thumbs Up from me As Well

Fuck Hassel, here is a Thumbs Up for you Nick and Mika!!!!! I would have gaven you both two but I had to take this picture myself.

A Big Hassal Thumbs Up To Nick & Mika

Congrats on a healthy baby girl you two.

What To Do Now?

Well my time in hell is almost through. I will have my license back, off of probation, sober, and no restraints keeping me back from anything. How to handle this I have no idea. I've always had something keeping me back and now I do not have a single thing. Just total freedom. Its really weird, kind of like a new born with an experienced mind.
Really I am clueless, so many paths I can go down (all good of course) but which one to pick is the pickle. Can't wait to see myself in five years.

Quiting Cigarettes

I will be quiting cigarettes starting today. I had quit for two years before I started back up last March 2009 because of some serious stressful events that were going on in my life. I really do not like them but it does help out with stress especailly since I am sober of all narcotics now. I didn't buy a pack this morning or brought a lighter with me but I ended up finding a big clinch in my ashtray and used a propane torch to light it. Hopefully this will be the last cigarette today, I have no idea why I had smoked it I was feeling good but hey I'm addicted.

I'm A Closet Lady GaGa Fan

I don't care what anyone thinks it is 2010 and there should be no penalties for me being a Lady GaGa fan. She is dope and very talented. Other then Poker Face which makes my spine spasm every time I hear hit (most likely because it was so played out so much) I enjoy all her other songs. I can even work out to them when it comes on in the gym (hopefully no one has noticed when a GaGa song comes on I go ape-shit on the reps). But the song "Telephone" I think it is called with Beyonce is my shit. Now talking about Beyonce I like a lot of her songs as well. Escpecially Sweet Dreams when she goes all crazy after the chorus. Yep call me a poof all you want this is good music right herr.

AHhhhh Sheeeyet

Alright some things I still don't think through right away. I have been going to the gym for the past three years. My first year was just the beginners stuff getting my body used to actually working out (prior to this I never did a push up on my own). The second year I did all machines because I was a little shy getting to the free weights with all those big gorillas. Now my third year I'm all game. I'm hitting it and I am hitting it right when I first start working out I could only bench 75 pounds now I am throwing up 235 with out any issue. But I have one problem - bad genes when it comes to muscles. I am strong and def a lot bigger but it is a lot harder for me to get definition. I am doing everything right and eating right but I got guys doing less then me and looking like Pitt in Fight Club.
So what I'm getting to is I got some Steroids. I was all game for it at first like fuck yeah I will do some roids. Now that I actually have it I'm probably never going to do it. First off is that you have to inject yourself and inject it right. No hitting veins or arteries or your fucked. Also you can cause some serious abscesses I think they call it that will fuck your whole shit up.
Oh and did I mention that the needle you have to inject yourself with has to be at least 1" to 1.5" long and you have to inject 2ml of this shit into you. Now 1" doesn't seem long when you think about it but put it into a needle form and tell me how you think, also 2ml of juice WTF that is a lot of shit to put in your body.
You also have to go through a post cycle of injections of different stuff to help your body recover from the testosterone it stopped producing since you started injecting hormones into your body that it was not producing (and if you don't do this you will lose all the gain you got from the Juice).
So I'm pretty sure I wasted my money on this. Professionals do tell you though that if you want to get big and ripped its either steroids or being really patient and consistent for a number of years. I'm not promising anything yet but I think I'm going to wait a little longer.

I'm Almost FREEEE YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm almost off of probation, Thank The GODS!!!!! What a crazy fucking two years my life has been. But you know I have learned a lot and grown up a lot because this is what it took for me to finally see the downward spiral I was rolling down in. I've been in a lot of trouble before - if you were to look at my record you would not believe that this was me. I ran full force into destroying myself and I did not give two high flying fucks. Well now I do.
If you were to ask me why I did the things I had done I really could not answer you. I truly do not know who that was that enjoyed doing those awful things. But time to move on and forget about the past. Time to move forward and especially with the monkey on my back gone and the probation soon done I can't wait to see what the future beholds for me.
Life is like a plant, if you take care of it you can watch it grow big and strong. It will keep growing and spreading as far as the person who takes care of it limits. If you don't care for it you will watch it slowly droop, shrivel, die, and leave no trace of its existence.

A Texture Problem

I have this huge issue with textures when it comes to eating. Since I was a kid I can not and still not eat jello, pudding, yogurt, and grizzle. As soon as one of these touch my tongue I gag. And there is a few funny things about this - I have a lot of Vietnamese friends and I eat over their house a lot. Sometimes they will cook something that has a similar texture of what I can not eat. Most of my friends know and understand but lets say if I'm at a family party or cook out and they pass around something that is hard for me to eat I just bite the bullet and try my best. Nothing worse then putting on a poker face of how much I love it when really I want to throw up in my mouth.
Another funny thing is when I was drinking I would always come around jello shots. Now I know I can't eat jello but the alcoholic in me would always think otherwise and try to swallow a bunch of these. Regardless in how drunk I was I could never down them right and always ended up hurling all over the place.
Just one of many weird things about me.

They Start Young

I have a new obsession with PhotoBombing. For everyone who doesn't know this term it is when a photo is being taken of something particular and something so out of place ruins it. There are some great photobombs out there that always crack me up and put me into a good mood.
Well back to the subject. This photo reminded me of me as a kid. This also reminds me of a photo I came across one day of my uncle flipping the bird when he was very young. It seems you can make out the punks and rebels at a young age. Well I have some news and some helpful insight for all these young rebels out there who are inspiring to grow up as a full fl edge radical.
1. You never win against the man - I have tried so many times to outsmart, outwit, and outdo every law and form of conformity out there and well you just can't win. The man is always right and take my advice when you have a hefty sentence over your head because you wanted to be a bad ass the only person who decides your fate is the one you have been always fighting.
2. There are no rebels over thirty who you can take seriously.
3. The only time a rebel can be taken seriously is when he tries to do something crazy like blow something up or blow something up.
4. If you want to be a real rebel move to a different country and join some guerrillas other then that sit down and shut up like the rest of us you pompous rich white kid.

Did someone just Shit?

Well as you all know I frequently take the bus to get around. I will soon have my license back (money issues) but I will still have to take the bus to work in the mornings until I can afford insurance (ten years down the road)what a long fucking road that is). So I have this old man that takes the bus now and then and I am assuming he has some issues. Now and then he will reenact some Shakespeare and mumble something while putting his hands in the air as to make a dramatic point. Well today I am pretty sure this English play actor has shat himself.
The bus did not smell bad when I boarded it this morning (I'm pretty sure I can identify a shit smell right away).
And as soon as this guy got on the bus it was engulfed in a peculiar smell that resembled diapers and feces. And what was more priceless was his shit eating grin (really no pun intended) and other unique facial positioning he made that described perfectly what he did - "Yeah I shit my pants, and I don't care"

No Flip Flops!

Well today I had to wear sandals to work. My work shoes were mysteriously not given back to me from someone who had to use them for us to go to the gym. So I had to go with some flip flops other then my other expensive shoes because well I rather take a bruise to the toe then ruin a 100 and something dollar pair of sneakers.
So I had to be stealthy and not seen at work. Didn't work out as I had initially planned. One - the flip flops I had chosen made an intense click clacking sound as I walked and apparently my work place has a lot of areas that like to produce echoes that travel. Two - I picked the wrong pair of jeans to wear them with so I had to roll them up into what looked like some Flood Pants or Capri's.
So being a ninja didn't work out on my behalf while wearing these, and come to think of it how are ninjas so fucking quite in their sandals?

Life

So why do you live? Have you ever been asked that or thought about it? Why do I live? Not what do you live for or how you stay alive but why are you here right now on this planet?
Pretty deep question, I know. But it seems with society and culture and every other form that exists to organize us to give us a purpose to move on and not think about that question has left us pretty dull and a lack of substance. My culture is all about life as being achieved through accomplishment in money, material, and love. My religion has my life as a test of my character and if I do as it follows I reach utopia while the latter is hell.
But what if there is nothing to achieve. What if there is no purpose other then I am a simple factor in survival of my species. What if when I die there is no judgement for me or other plain of existence.
You know unless you did something remarkable that enables you to be written down in history, by the time your children's children have children you will be forgotten. You may be a name that will be mentioned once or twice but once those kids grow up you will be just a faded memory. Sort of blows right?
So with that thought how do I get up in the morning? To find these answers out. I know there is something but what it is I can not grasp. For one life is so beautiful. Even with the ugly it is still worth every penny to experience. Take your sense of smell. You can break it into a science if you like and say it is an attribute to our survival by knowing what is bad for us and what is good. Take rotten food, smells awful so I don't want to eat it and chance potential sickness or death. But take a rose. A rose smells so good but it does nothing for our survival at all, no health benefits and not edible. But yet it is an enjoyment to smell.
I could go on forever about subjects like this but for the past little while I have been so interested in my own existence. I enjoy seeing things differently then most people but sometimes it can be a curse. A true genius is one step away from insanity and sometimes I can understand why, trying to find out an answer that is on the tip of your tongue and right in front of you can drive any human being crazy.

WTF?

Here is a famous Worcester statue created by Daniel Chester who also created the famous Lincoln Memorial Statue. Now when you look at this what is the first thing you think of? For me it is this dutch boy is giving it to this poor turtle who looks like he is wailing himself to get free. Don't know what Chester was thinking unless it is that Worcesterites are a bunch of slow fucking people.

Getting My Head Back

Well it has been a long time of being sober in my own consideration. I have spent a life time on booze and drugs and finally a little while ago had kicked both. It was a long and hard battle that took a lot of will and a lot of battling your own mind. Through the physical withdrawals of Oxys and your mind trying to talk you into just taking one to make you feel better is something that I never ever want to experience again. But slowly and surely things got a lot better day by day. I finally got through the withdrawals then it was all in my head to either take one or not. Once I got past that life became so much better for me.
I lived the past year in depression thinking my life sucked. It was mostly just clouded with the narcotics. You never really realize how much something has a grip on you until you get away from it. But I still have my issues but it is so easier to handle when you are not boozing and drugging. I used to be an activist in legalizing drugs but now after I went through all that shit I am dead against them. The risk of going through what I did with other people is way to high to the people who can actually handle them. Addiction is a scary thing and I don't care how strong you are once you reach a certain point there really is no ever going back.

Attracted to Disaster

Well either I am cursed or I am attracted to things that end in disaster and leave me miserable. I can laugh about it now that I think of it but really and truly everything I want I can't get and everything I don't want I get plenty of. And the stuff I want I want to the extreme so when it doesn't happen I crash and burn. I can't seem to pick up on the attribute or my self weakness that always lands me in this mess.
I want to think it is like Pipe Dreams but I don't get high anymore. Or is it my inability to see the consequences and outcomes, well fuck if I had that I'd be one rich bastard. So what is the force behind my drive to put myself into these predicaments. I'm going to blame it on my parents. Fuck You Dad!

I Didn't Need To Hear That

You ever hear something or were told something you could have gone the rest of your life with out hearing. I had quite a few of these happen to me over the past week. One was that my sister was dilating 4 inches before birth. Could have gone three life times with out needing to hear that and probably should have ate my snack first before writing that.
Or you ever found out something that you were looking forward to having but ended up not getting it because of something that makes it a lot worse then not actually getting it in the first place. Yeah a lot of those lately.
Or you ever hear something that punches you in the gut with butterflies and makes you absolutely sick to your stomache, probably because of nerves or maybe its just me.
But God Darn never in my life could have words ever affected me than they do now. I think I'm getting soft when I was younger I couldn't give a fuck if the world ended tomorrow now I'm a nervous wreck over some words being sounded out.
Growing up or developing a conscious blows!!!!!!!!!

Its a Fucking Boy Yeah!!!!!!!!

Congrats to my sister and a healthy baby boy. I'm so proud of you Jos you have come a long way. Be a good mother alright and keep him away from the stuff that had influenced us into trouble. I will always be here for you and your son Cooper. I will also try my best from keeping Mario and Luigi from fucking with him all of the time (LOL).

Lincoln Logger

I work with some people who take some nasty smelling shits and especially this one guy. I work with this guy named Don Lincoln who lives in New Hampshire what is like a two hour drive away from our work. He is a huge drunk and nascar fan. He always wears shirts that are very inappropriate for work and has ripped jeans where you can see his yellow stained white undies and an ass cheek now and then. He is a good worker but he always complains and never does anything to fix it. Every morning for break he eats nothing but hot pockets and or microwavable dinners which are probably the major factor on his shit smells.
So here is the blog. I like to crap in nice and clean areas. Since I have worked on a farm I can shit about anywhere now so I am a lot better at getting comfortable for the number 2. But this man is so gross. First off he would pass out on the toilet. We have an automatic light switch that comes on when you come in and turns off 15 about 15 minutes after everyone leaves the bathroom so you have to be completely still if you stayed in the bathroom for the light to shut off.
I would come in the bathroom and the light would be off and he would be still shitting in one of the stall. I have actually timed him on an hour of him shitting. And the smell that comes from it is putrid. It doesn't smell like shit but something some evil Nazi scientist invented. Like it is not a human smell it smells like decaying flesh and turd and a curdled strawberry milk shake.
So after he is done and gone I would come in to use it and there would be his ass shavings (crinkled up shit stained dingle berries) all over the toilet seat and some ass hair. There would be crumpled up tissue paper on the side of the toilet on top of the heater (no idea what is contained in it) and the inside of the toilet bowl would be stained in areas where it is physically impossible to have your shit touch it unless you picked it up with your hands and spread it there.
He also has a thing for his supervisor because he feels the guy stole the job from him that he could have got. The guy has the smarts and understands every job process but for him to manage people when he is still drunk til lunch time and the fact you see his dick pop out from the rip in his pants I think played a major role in him not getting the job. So anyways his supervisor takes care of any of the facility's bathroom problems like clogged toilets.
This asshole would clog the toilet with toilet paper then shit on top of the toilet paper then flush it. So who ever tries to plunge it would have to stir up shit and splash it around in order to unclog the toilet. not to mention after he does this before someone would unclog it he would flush it so shitty water would overflow all over the toilet then all over the bathroom floor. I know it is him because one time I came in and he just must have flushed it because he was just chilling in front of the mirror picking his fingernails (probably getting out the shit crust) like nothing happened while the floor is covered with tanned shit water.
We nicknamed this problem Lincoln Logs naturally after him.

How Does She Wipe?

Say hello to the fattest bitch trying to be the world's fattest bitch. Donna Simpson, is trying to break the Guinness World Record of the heaviest flab which is currently at 1050 lbs (WOWWWWWWWWW). Right now that barn with a face weighs at 600 lbs and is working really hard at not working hard. There is a great logical explanation of why you don't want to put down a hamburger and diet - "I'm trying to break a World Record people. Now leave me alone I'm hungry!!!!!". But coming from this fat bitch's mouth it would probably sound like "Mrrrrr Arhggg GrRRR. Bacon and peanut butter and jelly sandwich ROAR!!!!!!".
But really what breaks my heart other then her sitting on my chest is the fact she has two kids. And they look horribly malnourished. The reason - they have a dumpster for a mother. Now in order to get as fat as she can she must spend over $750 a week on grocery's for herself not the two kids that must have got up and walked out of her vagina. And it gets better. How you ask? By the way she can afford that is having a web site where perverted men pay to watch her stuff her face. I can't really talk shit about that because that might not be my cup of pervertedness but I got some strange brew myself.
Well if your going to do something do it right and let this be a lesson to all you fat bastards out there - if your not trying to break the world record for weight then what the fuck are you doing with your life?

Just Can't Win

I’m starting to think that I just can’t win. I can get buy but no getting the gold for me. Recently I thought to be fully honest to the woman that I was supposed to be marrying. I figured that would be a good thing to do and tell a little bit about past relationships and such. WRONG!!!! Now she doesn’t want to get married. Talking with my friend she says that in the Vietnamese culture a woman doesn’t want to marry a man who has been with another woman. I thought it was 2010 but apparently in Vietnam it is 1910.
What the fuck!!?? Two years down the drain of no sex and relationships because I thought I was getting married. Fucking great the only one who made off of that was the porno company I have been subscribing to. Well better off now I guess then when I am three months deep into marriage and I have a woman going to have a nervous breakdown because I dicked somebody way before we met.
On top of that my cellar got flooded...again. So most likely I'm going have to tear it all down and get rid of any mold then rebuild. I can do it myself but what a bitch. Then I took one day off of work and I'm surprised nothing burnt down, because what I got as a response when I cam back was like something sure did. Well that is all I can complain about for now until next time.

Dam You Cigarettes

Well I have been addicted since god knows when. I started way before I jerked off and well that was a long long time ago. But what gets me the most about this addiction is that I quit for well over a year. Hell I hated them so much the stink of them would make me want to vomit. Then one day I was going through an ungodly amount of stress and I decided to pick them back up.
The crazy part was that when I picked them back up it was so gross smoking them again. I had to actually work through the bad taste in my mouth, high blood pressure, feeling nauseous, smelling like shit, wasting my money, and yellowing the crap out of my teeth for quite a while before I liked them again. Does this make any sense to anyone? Any other smokers out there that can relate or am I just a little off my rocker. I could have easily stopped once I smoked my first cigarette but something kept pushing me through all the gross stuff until finally now I can't quit them with out going through hell. So Dam you Cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

Well being a Buddhist comes with doing a lot of the teaching and practicing as well. And one is being honest. I will say this now - I will always lie to the law. This teaching of mine predates any Buddhist philosophy I started picking up. And well fuck the law and the people who enforce it – I will end with that.
So I have to be honest all the time and absolutely no lying. When I first started this it was a little hard and it was so funny because I realized all about the little shit that I would lie about. This is also a must that I have to do with beating alcoholism because lying and bullshiting is a trait that goes highly with alcoholics. So I started being honest with everything.
Well it has gotten me into a lot of shit. Because I had to tell my love that I am marrying soon about my past relationships and that I have had sexual relations as well. I had all good intentions in doing this mind you and I thought it would be better to let her know this before we get married then later down the road. I thought honesty was the best policy, well not in this case. She hasn’t talked to me in two weeks and the last time I did she said that she was very sad that I had lied to her. Go Fucking Figure.
Now there is being honest and being way to fucking honest. Or I should say speaking your mind honestly. If someone asks me if I was an alcoholic I would say yes – that is being honest. Then you have these people if you asked them if they were alcoholics they would say yes then follow it by how one time they sucked dick to get money to buy alcohol – that is speaking your mind honestly.
I believe people should be honest and not speaking their mind honest. You don’t have to lie but you can leave a lot of the truth out – please.

A Late Bloomer

Talk about hiting puberty late. This flower known to Buddhists as the Udambara is supposed to only bloom every 3,000 years. So far the only known recordings of this are from a Nun in China who found it under her washer machine, a farmer in China who found it growing on his pipes, and on a statue of the Buddha on his face. Pretty incredible I think plus I love any mystery when it comes to religions and science. Peace to the Gods!!!

Oh Obama You...

Well first before I get into this I don't give a fuck about politics. People always think that the president can change everything but he can't. Think of him as the guy who knows guys who can talk to guys to get the guys to change stuff. But it is those other guys (governors/senators/Illuminati) that actually say what the fuck goes. So the only time I would vote if it was perhaps against a man or woman who had a lot of similarity with Hitler.
But all things aside lets talk about Obama. Yeah hes the coolest president we ever had (mind you my man Clinton), yeah he is a great speaker, yeah hes black, yeah he's good shit. But all in all what the hell has he done so far. I don't see or feel shit. When people were voting for him and "roo haahing" every where I went it was like this guy was going to cure aids and kick cancer in the nuts. The amount of attention he gets is way more then a third boob.
I almost threw up on myself yesterday when there was a press conference where they talked about his overall health. Yep I said it his overall health. When the fuck did they give press conferences on the president's health. Jesus fuck poor Cheney would be on the television more than Oprah.
People were all concerned about his smoking and his cholesterol. Hey the man aint smoking crack you fucking nut jobs leave him be. Next where going to see a conference held around his stool samples and prostate results.
So I guess I must say if that is all there is to bitch about go Obama.

Good Bye Old Fucking Chinese New Year

Well last Chinese New Year happened to be my year which is the boar. At the beginning of the year my Vietnamese friend told me that it could either mean I will have great luck or that I will have really fucking pitiful fuck me silly with an orange cone bad luck. Well it turned out to be the latter and the orange cone was mostly my own stupidity plus the justice system or as I like to call them "Money Hungry Whores" or "Molesters of Wallets and life".
Last year was fucking horrible and like I said it was mostly my fault but I truly did not mean it. I crashed my car and into several other peoples cars. I got on probation and have to go to more meetings then the fucking president. I have to pay them oodles and oodles of money and plus well I can kiss any car insurance good bye because I heard they are not taking souls as a down payment at the moment.
I have also become addicted to a favorite substance I would like to call Oxys because well during the time it made me not give a flying fuck about all the drama that was circulating around my life. Also my dog had to be put down and that experience was awesome. I couldn't go to a few important weddings and now including my sister's birth because well the "Money Hungry Whores" just don't want their money travelling around.
But I do say I have experienced a lot. I am no longer an addict. I will never drink and drive again well I will never drink again period. I learned what it feels like to hit total rock bottom and slowly climb out of it. I have a new perspective on life due to my meetings and meeting some really fucked up individuals who live amongst us including myself. And well I have learned to appreciate the small things in life.
And you say that the your Chinese Year will bring you good luck or bad luck on my next blog I will talk about a crazy ass incident that happened to me right before the New Chinese New Year. It is about work and well I can't write about it while I'm at work.

Mushrooms

I have dabbled in a lot of drugs during my time of life. But when it came to psychedelics I always had a love for them. Acid I do not like because it is dirty and not natural. Also there is a chance you could get fucked on it for the rest of your life. But when it comes to mushrooms it is very natural and no matter what it will wear off and go away. What I like most about mushrooms is the realization of things that it can open up for you. It is definitely something that everyone should try at least once in your life. I had a lot of great times on mushrooms and some really friggin bad ones where I didn't know what the hell was going on. One time I took some really potent ones and I saw some really scary stuff. But when it comes to a bad trip the thing you can count on is just tell yourself that soon it will be over. Now back into why I think everyone should try them. The reason why I believe this is because it opens up a light on some issues in your life that you are either ignorant to see or your regular state of mind doesn't allow you to think past to see this. For instance I was going through a really bad time at one point of my life and I couldn't get over it. Nothing I did or thought could get me out of the feeling I was experiencing. So I managed to get my hands on some mushrooms and when I started to trip these issues I had all of suddenly became crystal clear. I ventured deep into my psych and into my soul and started to evaluate the issue. I started to understand everything and even accepted it and found a way to deal with it. It was amazing. So after that every year at least once I would trip either with people or by myself. I recommend until you become experienced with tripping don't do it by yourself.
Tripping also heightens your senses to colors you never noticed and also tastes and smells. It opens up all the little things you take for granted in every day life and blows it up to the point you become inf actuated with it and love it. It also can be quite a great high and just a plain old good time.
But you can also have some bad ones. You can lose con troll of yourself really easy if you let it happen and all it takes is one bad thought or feeling and then it is all down hill from there. But even after bad trips and good ones your mentality changes after. I can't explain it thoroughly enough for people who never experienced it but it is almost like becoming enlightened. I don't recommend doing these for a high or something to get fucked up on. I recommend using it for a spiritual ritual. You can have a really good time on it and it is far from addictive. Imagine laughing non stop for 15 minutes or listening to music and hearing every instrument play through your body and vibrate your inner child. Imagine during the fall time and all the gorgeous leaves from the trees light up like it was Christmas almost like mother nature is putting on a grand show for you. This is a drug I highly recommend I could go on for ever about this but I rather let you all experience it for yourself because every trip is different just like every person is.

My Hatred For Money

Money we all need it. You can not possibly live with out it, or you can't live with out it in the areas where currency is so important. I could go move to a third world country and live by the land and have a good life but living in America it is not that easy. With how the world is here it is like money is our life line. With out it you can't have a roof over your head or feed your belly. But what I'm mostly getting is at is what money can do to people. I seen it first hand split families apart by greed of what people think they should be getting. It also has now split two of my best friends apart because of something that doesn't even breathe. It sickens my stomach in how something that is just a piece of paper could have such a strong impact on our lives. I will admit it if I had lots of money I wouldn't have the problems that I have now. It is not very Buddhist of me to say this because I am supposed to follow a way of life that is not materialistic but it is not that easy when everything is being shoved in your face about what the better way of life is defined by having a good sum of money in your pocket.
Even trying to get girls around here the first thing they look at is - is this guy a bum or could he support me? Not every woman is like this but I bet you the majority of women are. Don't believe me how about if I were to say "would you like to go out with me? We can catch the bus around this time then walk a few minutes to this nice restaurant that is having great prices on soup." Its all about who's got the nice car, who dresses with the expensive name brands - do you know a shirt that is really expensive could look like a piece of shit compared to a much cheaper one but the fact that people know it is very expensive makes it look a lot better - Like What the Fuck has anyone seen what Versace clothing looks like? I could take two of the same items then on one just change the name to a name brand one and see which one will sell more. Guarantee it will be the one with the name brand.
Money is what makes the world go round and it is so fucking true, there is not even any exaggeration to that. Like I would love to have a job where I can write or be a personal trainer and a nutritionist or even be able to teach yoga. But those things don't pay the bills so instead I work my ass off in a place I don't really like that is very stressful at times because it pays better. I also see my family in a sad mood because we don't have money. Some people look down at us because there is like seven people living under the same roof or how I used to be criticized about sharing a room with my sister because we couldn't afford to build another room for me to live in. This didn't bother me one bit but I hated how people would think that way. Or another one is with my other family and they used to own a good business that brought in some good income. Things went down hill and they were all worried about not being able to vacation in good spots or not having the nicest of things. We should not have to worry about these things but this is what the culture of money has done to us all.
I never really had lots of money so I could care less. But I am still affected by this because you would never see me driving a fucking Kia or going to a night out in a club with a shirt I purchased at Wallmart. I wish there was something I could do about this but money is tattooed into our culture and this one will never go away or fade out.

The Love Of My Life

This is the girl of my dreams and also the one who is going to be my wife. She is the greatest woman I have ever met. I can not go a minute with out thinking of her. I constantly try to imagine her before I sleep in hope that she can be in my dreams. She is what makes me look forward to the future. I can not find one imperfection of her. I love everything about her from the top of her head to the end of her feet. Her beautiful smile and soft exotic eyes make my heart melt with that strong emotion of love. I will do anything for this woman and I will shower her with love for the rest of our lives.
I love you Phuong and I will always be the perfect husband, friend, and lover.
Anh yêu em vợ của tôi.

Congrats To Nick and Mika

I would like to say congratulations to the two most wonderful people in the world that I am lucky enough to call friends. Nick my closest friend that I have known before I knew that being nice gets you a lot further in life and Mika the most beautiful and kind hearted woman who has given my friend Nick the gift of undying love are now soon to be parents to a beautiful and healthy child. These two will be the best parents any child would be lucky to have. And with their both artistic and give every minute in life all you got way of living this child I imagine will grow up to be extraordinary. I love you two with all my heart and even though we are far apart I will always be here for you two and your child. Much Love to you both and the greatest gift that life could give and that to be your soon to be child.

A Battle You Don't Want To Lose

All men will know this battle that will put any man into shame when lost. And that is masturbating with out an orgasm. How degrading or frustrating it is to beat your meat to almost get to the point of climax then lose it. It has happened to everyone I don't care who you are. I have a very healthy sex drive and my little soldier can always hold his salute but some days you just don't have it. And then the tough decision you have to make to give up and pull up your pants and walk away from it is the toughest. Your dick even looks depressed all beat up and still filled with blood that was rushed to it for your hard on. You don't even feel the same after, you just have to put your head down and give your head a slow shake of disappointment.
But the most horrible of these phenomenons is when you are almost about to shoot and you get that throbbing that sends your life liquid flying but instead on the second throb it just gives way and your dick becomes absolutely flacid and take my word it is better just to give up then to try again because it will take a lot of time to get to nut again.
A tip from a pro masturbater masturbation shouldn't take that long especially when you are a veteran. You should just pull down your pants and in two minutes be done with what you want unless you are trying to kill a couple of hours or you want to play and see how long you can keep with out busting. So here are some tips to get you to what you need and fast -
1. Start to think about sex before going to the pornography
2. Know exactly what porn you want to see
3. Rub the shit out of your knob and the beginning of your neck (the most sensitive spot)
4. Get to the good scenes in your chice of porno and if you have a fetish go with that porn to watch
5. Don't lay down while masturbating sit up like in a chair
6. Once you get that hard on and build up cum like your about to shoot after rubbing your knob from step one start to give your dick strokes with full slides but never let your hand go beyond the beginning of your knob.
7. When you feel cum start entering the pipes move slightly with your hips in any direction this throws you off balance of your sitting position. This for some reason sets off something that is equivalent to having the nitrous button in your car
8. Don't ever give up once you get that build up and I find once you get that build up like your about to shoot a load hold it like your trying to stop your piss and keep doing it until it just explodes.
And these tips should get you to a time under four minutes. Log in next time for to learn about using anal toys to give you a special nutting.

My Obsession with Asian Women

Well I have an addiction and I plan on keeping it for awhile. I am addicted to Asian women. I grew up around a lot of Asians and my first crush as a kid was an Asian girl. All sorts of them too. Big ones, small ones, ugly ones, fine ones, stupid ones, geeky ones, and so on and so forth. It is an extremely strong fetish for me. They just turn me on and I can never get sick of them at all. I believe they are God's greatest creation when it comes to women, he gave it all he got when it comes to these girls. But I have not yet been able to have one as a lover. This actually leads to a funny story of mine.
So there is this older Vietnamese woman (my favorite of the Asian nationality) who I just love. She is in great shape and she is petite with a slamming body and such a cute ass that you don't really find on Asian women (sorry girls but it is true). Plus she is all together a great girl. So I have been trying for years to get close to her. While I was getting close to her I came to realize how cool of a person she is and we just became the infamous "F" word (friends). So sex is now out of the question. My dreams were a little shattered but a good thing came from this - she introduced me to her niece.
One day she asked me if I was interested in marrying an Asian girl. I thought at first - great I am going marry a woman so she can come into the country. So she showed me a picture and it blew my mind away. She was so incredibly gorgeous. So I thought I will give it a shot. So we started to e-mail each other now and then. The more I came to know her the more I started to fall for this girl. I also found out she didn't want to get married at first which was great because I know she was not just using me for a citizenship.
This girl is the girl of my dreams. She is an excellent painter, a great singer with such a beautiful voice (she sings me a song every weekend when we talk on the phone), and she is so kind hearted. I hit the lotto on this woman. She stole any type of love I have for any other woman and all I can think of is her. Everyday all I think of is her and it is great to be in love which I have never experienced before. We have been talking for two years now and I have not been with a woman since (as long as the women in pornography doesn't count). Plus this relationship was built on communication and not mistaken through what I think is love through sex (which I am not knocking down).
It is funny how the world works and how my life goes. I am going to Vietnam in August to marry her. I figured a marriage would probably work better through not knowing a person at all and one from a whole different culture then one that you do know because most of the marriages that I have seen where the people knew each other has ended badly. But this is how far my love for Asian women has led me - to go all the way to Vietnam to marry one.
Oh yeah learning Vietnamese is not that easy one word could mean several different things by just the way you say it. But I am looking forward to this experience and finally being able to touch the woman of my dreams and be able to know what she smells like, feels like, and tastes. I didn't intend that to be in a sexual way even if the people that do know me would not believe that at all but really I've fallen head over heals for this girl. Many thanks to the Gods for granting me this opportunity and I promise I will never have a tear fall from my lover's face. I love you with all my heart Phuong.
PS. the picture above is not her but my favorite porn star Asa Akira, I don't have a picture of my wife on this computer I will post one of her later. But hey check out Asa Akira she is awesome at making what she does look good.

Obese Individuals Taking Cah-Cah in Small Spaces

Yes it has been quite some time since I have blogged, I have been very busy and I have some extensive catching up to do. One thing that I would like to start with is why do fat people like to shit in small spaces. Take me as an example, I am far from large but yet the more open space I have in a bathroom the better I feel. If I had to take a pick from a large spaced stall to a small space stall I'm most likely going to go with the large spaced one. Now I have a few fat friends. And I have noticed every time they go and shit they go to the small spaced stall all of the fucking time. Is it some type of comfort zone thing. OR perhaps it is for them to brace themselves against the walls to help endure the tedious amount of shit coming out of their ass from gorging all god damn day.
Yes it is funny how I pick these things up. So I decided to go do some research and take a shit in a small spaced stall. Frankly it sucks. For one everything is so fucking close to you which you don't want when it comes to public bathrooms. Second is that when you have to go and open the door or close it your all rubbing your shin over the rim of the toilet (fucking yuk). So I am uncertain why a fat man shits in small spaces. But I do know when it comes to main public bathrooms the handicapped toilet is the last one you want to use for good sanitation because everyone loves pissing in the retarded reserved stall and getting piss everywhere.

Trajic Comedy

There are a great number of comedians out there. There are also a great number of comedians who are no longer with us. Most of these comedians have met an end by force, violence, drug addiction, or suicide. What is the relation with great comedians and the funny persona they use as a curtain to hide behind. Most of them are really depressed or fucked up people. Could it perhaps be that a comic sees life differently then we do and they tend to over analyze things opening a door of realization that they just can't stand. Or would it be the lifestyle of a comedic that drives them to this demise because of a life full of spotlight and when they are not at their peak it is quickly taken away. Or they know they are better than most people and the can't stand to talk to normal people almost going on an intellectual level. I write about this because one of my favorite comedians Artie Lang has just tried to commit suicide by stabbing him self nine times. He was a drug addict but usually when you see him he is a cheery dirty man. Chris Farly died by an overdose of all sorts of drugs. Talking from experience of being an addict myself people don't get that high with out trying to escape from something. It is sad how such good talent is haunted with troubles. I would like to have a moment of silence for all the great jokers who have left us.