Just Stepped Into a World Of Shit

Well I'm sort of in a fuck cluster of hormones, morality, and achieving what I wanted since I discovered women are awesome. Sort of jammed my pickle into this one figuratively and perhaps this coming weekend literally. I don't want to give out too much info on this - for one - I don't want to ruin this - and for two - well there are some people who can get hurt. No I am not screwing my Friend's girlfriend, or a friend's sister it is more like I'm screwing a friend who has a boyfriend or something a little more than that but I'm no judge here, right?
So I have the power to do wrong or right. But is it my wrong or right? I don't know the people at all that I would hurt but if I were not to do this she would go somewhere else and do it anyways. And if it were to ease things a bit for her boyfriend I'm a somewhat of a good guy and I'm clean of AIDS and VD's, eh? lol? Usually I would not do this at all because I'm a Buddhist but this lady is smoking, like I want to smell where you just sat smoking. Plus her ethnicity is really wanting me to do this. Well after Friday I'll write what I did.

HOLY SKUNKS!!!

Sweat Dieing Jesus. My neighborhood is overrun by skunks. They must have had an orgy last spring or summer because we got fuck loads of them now. Walking home is not safe at night anymore and I remember when it was such a nice neighborhood. I see at least up to five of them all of the time running amok with their Mohawk looking coats like a bunch of emo kids scurrying around for some Valiums and xanax. They even formed clicks and posse's having fights with other rival gangs. They also could care less about you, I wouldn't worry about getting sprayed by them as long as you don't surprise them they will walk past you in a kicking distance. If this gets any worse I'm going to have to move my family to the better part of the city with the better schools.

Observe and Report

Well every tuesday I'll do a review on all the movies that are coming out on dvd. The first one is Observe and Report - this as a bad fucking movie. It had maybe three good chuckles, one being a out of shape middle aged man's flacid penis which was about as lame as the movie. Two being Anna Farris, and three being the mexican guy from the movie shooter who plays as Seth Rogen's side kick security gaurd whatever. I fell for this movie because of Seth Rogen who must have not given a shit about acting in this and needed some extra cash. With another bad movie like this by Seth Rogen I wil start thinking he is just good for being an out of shape Jew who is vulgar, and if i was looking for that I'd rather go with Mel Brooks. But there is a good cameo by my man "Red" can't think of his real name and I don't feel like googling it but it was enjoyable as always to see his hilarious ass. This movie gets a solid two out of five.

Laughing Frenzy

Well I sort of have a nervous reaction in which some people might find repulsive. I laugh and can't stop laughing. When the shit hits the fan I laugh, when I'm over stressed I laugh, and when something horrible happens I laugh. I can't help it one bit I try to bite it down but then my face just forms this huge shit eating grin from ear to ear and then I burst into capnipshit of laughter. Its hereditary because it happens to my mother as well. Its just its not that cool being in front of a judge with a huge smile, or having something terrible being explained to you and you chuckle til you piss your pants. But I guess its a cool defense mechanism I formed to help deal with pain. Try it out see if it works just don't make it into a habit.

An Irish Man's Self Made Path Unto Self Destruction

Well recently I had to sober up or get locked up. I get random drug tests and if I happen to fail my case reopens and shit hits the fan. Well this past weekend I said sure why not drink a bit of alcohol it gets out of your system in a day tops. I unfortunately forgot I have no fucking brains when I start drinking and the drunk me likes to dig myself a deep fucking hole of self pity, embarrassment, and just straight fucking hell. During my drunken mess someone had to bring up a little bag of coke and of course the drunken me just had to have some. I now got a drug test on Friday hopefully no surprise ones in between from now and then, I know it gets out of your system in three days and I didn't do that much plus I bought a detox drink but the anxiety of it all is not worth it a fucking bit. Thanks again to me.

The Hideous Red Eye

Yeah well recently I just caught the notorious CONJUCTIVITUS (I can only picture that being said by the man who narrarates the Rich and Famous - Robin Leach). What sucks most is I got it in both eyes and my boss knows I'm a marijuana smoker up and until I was put on probation. So now that I don't smoke (really I don't) he keeps giving me the "Are you High Look". What's even more hilarious is the fact that when I did smoke for the many years I did my eyes barely ever got red.

Congrats To A Soon To Be Married Couple

I'd like to give a toast from now til Friday evening for Nick and Mika on their Holy Matrimony. Enjoy the rest of your lives together in tranquility and harmony.

Winnie The Pooh Doesn't Want to Fuck with these Bees

Well not only does Japan make uniquely great fetish porn but they also produce freaky giant flesh dissolving hornets. No fucking lie. Also known as the Japanese Giant Hornet or in scientific terms the Vespa Mandarinia Japonica or known on the streets as those Bad Ass Mother Fucking Bees. They are most commonly found in the mountainous areas of Japan and these bees don't like intruders. Think you can outrun these fuckers? Unless you can run like the flash and well clear 50 miles in which these bees can travel up to in one day and also have avoided their cytolytic peptide or flesh melting acid which they shoot in your eye which also contains a pheromone like substance that attracts their other gangster brothers I recommend avoiding the hiking trip to the mountain. You think the Killer Bees are bad, compared to these fuckers it makes them look like ladybugs.

The Five Finger Way To Cure A Headache

Got no Tylenol. Your a Jehovah Witness and you can't take any medical assessment. Well look no further I have something for everyone and also a method that can kill two birds with one stone and some potential future offspring. Masturbate to your heart's content. When you orgasm your body sends out some pretty heavy duty pain killers known as endorphins and oxytocin (notice all the good drugs start with oxy) that well... make you feel like you scored some great heroin. So don't think about yourself being a pervert because your a chronic masterbater - you just have an addictive personality which you can blame on on an alcoholic parent. This could also explain why men become sometimes distant after an orgasm not because they noticed they thought more with their genitalia than their brain - its because we are having major withdrawals from the natural drugs that evolution so kindly through into us. So my advice if you got the shakes (snicker) grab and pull (snicker) the hair off the dog that bit yah.